It’s always you. No matter how hard I try, or how far I stray - it’s you.
How hard I yell or how it burns, how sad you look and how broken that makes me. It’s in that glance you cast across the room - how you know. You just know, and I hate it and I love you.
I can’t hide from you. I want few things more than to be a mystery and a stranger, to forsake you of that and your grip on my heart. I want to cleanse myself of your fingerprints and the tattoos they’ve left on my flesh. On my heart.
I want to be no one. I want you to mean less. I want it to be the way everyone says it should be.
But we can’t. And they don’t know.
You’re this big part of me. You are a part of me. You make up pieces of my being and fit into parts of my self that I gave to you so long ago - I evolved to fit you. I wouldn’t work without those pieces of myself. Of you.
I don’t regret you, or any of it. I can’t and I won’t. But we’re not friends.
I can’t love you the way I do, and know you the way I feel, and be your friend.
I’m a very selective viewer - I watch a small hand full of shows religiously, maybe 4, and a couple sporadically. I’m not easily sucked in, and i’m a very take-it-ot-leave-it kinda gal.
So, when I heard people chattering about ‘Orphan Black’ last year, i was like - nup, don’t need that. Science fiction-y thriller drama? Who needs that? It can’t be that good.
I was wrong.
I started a day ago and finished over coffee this morning.
& noticed that my likes essentially consist of bed linen, tea and witty quotes about sex.
I’m not sure what this says about me.
Disgraceful. Pitiful. Pathetic. Think first, before you speak.
Regardless of your personal opinions of war, and whether or not you believe it or any war should be fought - a person who is willing and committed to sacrificing themselves for the sake of others, is a person who deserves nothing more than the utmost respect.
Ben Roberts-Smith is a brave, selfless man. A hero.
Have some respect.